|
Empire State Building
350 Fifth Ave, Suite 7313
New York, NY 10118
phone: (800) 704-6512
inquiry@thesyndicatednews.com
SSL Certs
|
Learning The Value Of A (Billion) Dollar(S)
|
by Mad Dog
TheSyndicatedNews columnist
Mad Dog column has been published by Chicago Tribune, Philadelphia Inquirer, Los Angeles Times, NY Daily News, S.F. Chronicle, Boston Phoenix and other fine newspapers.
|
When I was young, my parents spent a lot of time trying to teach me the value of a dollar, right alongside the lessons about the joy of being able to walk across a bedroom without needing snowshoes to stay on top of the dirty clothes, the redeeming social value of washing behind one’s ears, and that feeding mothballs to a goldfish is a bad idea. Luckily, most of these lessons took. Okay, so I sometimes forget that I have two ears. Hey, no one’s perfect.
Their lectures on fiscal responsibility consisted of three points: money doesn’t grow on trees, the harder you work the more money you’ll make, and no, you can’t have a bigger allowance no matter how much money Bobby Durkin claims he’s socking away in a retirement account from his. As it turns out, they were right about two out of three points — all I get when I work harder is tireder — which is pretty good, though I’d rather you didn’t tell anyone I’m giving my parents so much credit or I’ll be tossed out of the League of Ungrateful Children. Me, the president, of all people.
I discovered firsthand that money doesn’t actually grow on trees. Well, not unless you live on a farm anyway. I’m not sure what parents who own an apple orchard tell their kids. “An apple a day keeps the doctor away” would seem appropriate though it wouldn’t teach them a thing about money. Or medicine. I found out how true the adage is after I planted dollar bills in the backyard only to find that instead of them sprouting into seedlings, my older brother was in the corner store buying big bags of candy with very dirty money. Yes, life’s lessons can be difficult ones.
So how are we supposed to teach our children the value of a dollar, especially when the Federal government and big business are setting highly visible bad examples? Take GM. The company recently announced that it lost $38.7 billion last year. Yes, that’s billion with a “B.” Considering they sold 9,369,52 cars worldwide, that means they managed to lose $4,130.41 on each car they sold. It’s a good thing sales were down or they would have really gone into debt. You know, like our government. When it does this it’s called the national debt.
The national debt, for those of you who are too busy scouring the entertainment section to find out when American Idol Losers On Ice is coming to town to bother reading the news, is basically the government’s credit card bill, except it doesn’t earn frequent flier miles, reward points, or get cash back on every T- Bill issued. The way it works is that if the government needs more money, say to build a few bridges, pay our Congressmen, or start a quick and dirty war in — oh, let’s say Iraq — that could make the Hundred Years’ War feel like shock and awe, they just borrow it. When these obligations come due, they go out and borrow more money, using it to pay off the first ones. If I did this it would be called a Ponzi Scheme and I’d be arrested. When the federal government does it it’s called good fiscal policy. Go figure.
The government is currently in debt to the tune of about $9.3 trillion. In case you’re counting, that’s 93 followed by 11 zeros. With four commas thrown in for good measure. Just in case that’s not enough of a shock when the statement shows up each month, the figure is growing. By about $1 million a minute to be exact, which is a whopping $1.4 billion a day. Sure that’s only $4.61 per day for every man, woman, and child in the country who would rather spend it on a Big Mac combo meal, but like calories, it adds up. In other words, we’re going deeper in the hole each month than GM managed to do in a whole year. And they say the government is inefficient.
Soon the national debt is going to increase by $168 billion in one fell swoop, this so the government can give each of us $600 as a reward for being a nice citizen living in a not nice economy. It’s called an economic stimulus package and the hope is that we’ll run out and spend our windfall like a kid who’s handed his allowance in a toy store rather than doing what we should do, like pay off a credit card bill, give it to the bank so they don’t foreclose on our house, or donate it to a presidential candidate who hopefully can do a better job of handling our government’s money.
It just doesn’t make sense. After all, if the government is going to borrow the money so they can give it to us, then have us pay it back out of our taxes, why don’t they just hold onto it in the first place? They could use it to help pay down the national debt and if we want, we can borrow our own $600. Or they could use it to fund a study to discover ways of actually making money grow on trees. Then they could subsidize money farmers to grow more of it, use the surplus to repay the national debt, and if there’s any left over, it can be converted to ethanol so corn doesn’t wind up selling for $1.00 an ear. Hey, with ideas like this, who needs to work harder?
# # # # #
©2008 Barry H. Gottlieb All Rights Reserved.
More Mad Dog can be found online at: www.maddogproductions.com. His compilation of humorous travel columns, “If It’s Such a Small World Then Why Have I Been Sitting on This Airplane For Twelve Hours?” is available from Xlibris Corporation.
Email: md@maddogproductions.com
Published: Sep 5,2008 20:10
|
Andy Cowan
Andy Cowan, an award-winning writer, whose credits include Cheers and Seinfeld, regularly contributes humor pieces to the Los Angeles Times and the CBS Jack FM Radio Network.
Paul M. J. Suchecki
Paul M. J. Suchecki has more than 30 years of experience as an award winning writer, producer, and cameraman. He's written numerous newspaper and magazine articles. Currently he writes, produces and shoots for LA CityView Channel 35 and his more than 250 articles for Ehow.com are approaching half a million readers.
Coby Kindles
Coby Kindles is a freelance journalist, screenplay writer and essayist. She has been a staff writer at Knight Ridder and a regular contributor to The Associated Press.
Debbie Milam
Debbie Milam is a syndicated columnist for United Press International, an occupational therapist, family success consultant, and motivational speaker with more than 20 years experience. Her work on stress management, spirituality, parenting, and special-needs children has been featured in over 300 media outlets including First for Women, The Miami Herald, Elle, Ladies Home Journal, The Hallmark Channel, PBS and WebMD.
Dan Rafter
Dan Rafter has covered the residential real estate industry for more than 15 years. He has contributed real estate stories to the Washington Post, Chicago Tribune, Business 2.0 Magazine, Home Magazine, Smart HomeOwner Magazine and many others.
Jack Nargundkar
Jack Nargundkar has been repeatedly published in Business Week, The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, and The New York Times. He is also an author of "The Bush Diaries" published in July 2005.
|